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Monday, January 20, 2014

Winter is Here

Apologies for not keeping my blog updated, I'll get better at that. 

I dropped my daughter off at school today.  From the moment I opened my car door, to the five seconds it took me to open hers, I felt my lungs instantly crystalize with each breath.  A horrible coldness settled in my chest, and even after an hour, I still felt it as strongly as when it occurred.  No amount of hot tea, coco, or hot fluids could undo the frostbite that overtook my lungs.  Yes, it felt like a slow and inevitable death, yet I'm still here.

“What’s the point in this post?” you may be asking, I’ll tell you…

For the past ten years, I have thought of nothing more than to leave this valley, and to never have to see another winter again.  I’ve had countless dreams of the ocean, the beach, and being somewhere tropical and green where winter cannot touch it.  I hate winter more and more each year; I can’t express how much I hate it!  Winter is here, and it feels like it will last longer than the Game of Thrones Winter.  

BUT… for the first time in my life, I’m not in a hurry to leave.  Some would say, “It’s just the case of Senioritis,” while others would think it strange.  I will tell you that only a very small few of you know the reason why.  

It really makes me question the next months to come.  If I get an amazing opportunity to leave and follow my dreams, will I risk it to stay here… to stay in the place I’ve hated since childhood?  My head instantly wants to say, "Yes, of course! No hesitations and no regrets here!”  But now, I’m not so sure.  I don’t think I have it in me anymore to take the leap to travel to new places, live in a city, and meet new faces. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist a rhyme there.) 

The entertainment industry is brutal, and while I’m kicking butt in school for it, I’m starting to doubt myself.  Not because I’m afraid to fail, but because I’m afraid to try – which is even worse – and I know that if I try I will succeed.  I have a daughter to think about in all of this. 

Do I subject her to the Hollywood world at this early of an age?  Yes, she wants to be an actress and has wanted to be one since she was two, but she’s only five years old right now.  And yes, she’s definitely got the talent to act… but then I see Hollywood music stars and actors (actresses) now like Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears, and etc.  Do I really want my daughter to become like any of them? 

NO, OF COURSE NOT!

“You can teach her right from wrong!” 

Yeah, I’m sure all the parents of childhood actors thought the same thing. 

Well, we'll see.  Hollywood or not, only time can uncloak the path that is before me.